KC GlobeNews OCTOBER 2002 News Special Vol.3, No.10 Current events, trends, travel, politics, eco and tech topics. CONTENTS: TUVALU TO SUE USA SUDDEN OAK DEATH UPDATE GLOBAL YELLOW PAGES CNNNN: ONLY THE NEWS YOU WANNA SEE TASTELESS SPAM CASH FOR CLEAN AIR UNBIASED NEWS SERVICE BY GOOGLE THE CONFUSING COUNTRY ============ !!GLOBALERT!! ============ TUVALU TO SUE USA ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Pacific island state of Tuvalu, which is threatened with annihilation from rising sea levels, is to sue the United States and oil companies over the effects of global warming. The Tuvalu Parliament has set up a fund to pay for the legal action, and has had talks with other island states to consider the possibility of a joint action. Their Environment Ministry spokesman said: "It is a point of principle: if some one causes you damage, you take them to court. It will show other countries how serious this issue is for us and how frustrated we are that they don?t take it seriously." Tuvalu has a population of 10,000. It is a series of coral atolls which measure just ten square miles and is 16ft above sea level at its highest point. The islands are already suffering from rising sea levels and the Government has predicted it will be totally submerged within 50 years. Seawater now percolates up through the ground, polluting the water supply and making it useless for drinking and irrigating crops. Houses have already started slipping. The island has started a relocation programme to New Zealand, but is worried about losing its most skilled citizens too early. Tuvalu is deciding between two methods of legal action. One is to go through the International Court of Justice, the other to sue the companies responsible, particularly oil companies and car companies. HOW TO KEEP IN TOUCH ------------------------------- You can get great LONG DISTANCE RATES with GLOBALCOM prepaid calling services. Just look at these RATES from ANY phone in the USA: * 5.5¢ per minute USA, Canada, UK, Hong Kong * 6¢ per minute Belgium, Germany, China * 14.5¢ per minute Philippines * Works worldwide (via web enabled CALLBACK)! * No Monthly Fees! No Hidden Fees! Go ahead, talk for hours...we know you'll love Click4Prepaid from GLOBALCOM. We highly recommend this money saving service! So try it now, just sign up online: http://www.kahl.net/global/ ============== THE GOOD NEWS ============== SUDDEN OAK DEATH UPDATE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ California's fight against sudden oak death got a boost from a new bill funneling more money and power to the agencies battling the mysterious disease. Assembly Bill 2251 by Assemblyman Joe Nation, D-San Rafael, establishes programs to fight the disease, encourage tree replanting and help counties step up quarantine enforcement. It also sets aside $2 million for the battle, an amount that, while modest, allows the state to snag $10 million in federal matching funds. The somewhat misnamed sudden oak death has been linked to a massive die-off of oaks over thousands of acres, particularly in coastal counties from Monterey to the Oregon border. Scientists suspect the disease is spread by a fungus known to infect 17 species worldwide, 16 of which are found in California. First found in a patch of tan oaks in Marin County in 1995, the list of susceptible species now includes redwoods, firs, bays and several shrubs as well as oaks. Its geographic reach, too, has spread eastward to Alameda, Contra Costa and Solano counties. Scientists fear it will soon jump to the vast forests of the Sierra foothills. "The bigger policy issue," said California Oak Foundation director Janet Cobb, "is that the governor is... still allowing developers and vintners to mow (healthy oaks) down. Healthy oaks have no protection in the state of California." ========== GLOBESITES ========== GLOBAL YELLOW PAGES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Global Yellow-Pages is a collection of phone directories from around the world. To find a number anywhere in the globe you can visit these sites and select a country: Global Yellow Pages: http://www.globalyp.com/world.htm INFOBEL: http://www.infobel.com/ KC WEB HOSTING ----------------------- Kahl Consultants offers WEB SERVICES and WEB HOSTING for small business and individuals. KC offers you many services including: * World Class hosting with our personal service * Online Marketing Plans * Website Traffic Analysis KC Web Hosting for only $60 per quarter or $220 per year (get one month free!) All this and more can be found here: http://www.kahl.net/hosting CNNNN: ONLY THE NEWS YOU WANNA SEE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Thanks Patrick!] Want to check out a hilarious spoof of CNN's version of the news? Then you must check out this aussie website called CNNNN - their humorous take on the sensationalist reporting that passes as news is similar to that of The Onion. CNNNN: http://www.cnnnn.com/ ======== GlobeNews ========= TASTELESS SPAM ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here is an except from a tasteless junk e-mail i have received - yet another sleazebag selling trinkets while trying to cash in on the misfortune of others. +--------------------------------------------------------+ Sep 11 Bush Memorial Dollars. Free with NO SHIPPING! +--------------------------------------------------------+ Free Sep 11 Memorial gift for mom, dad, family and friends. Every American should have one. (Note: Due to heavy demand, limit 1 order per person.) ============= FUTURE IS NOW ============= CASH FOR CLEAN AIR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lean back in a plush leather chair, pay cold cash and breathe pure oxygen. That's a deal increasing numbers of people are lapping up in the eastern Indian city of Calcutta as they struggle to cope with the metropolis's foul air. Cashing in on rising concerns about air pollution, two brothers have started Calcutta's first oxygen parlor, where customers can sink back in soft leather chairs, inhale oxygen flavored with various scents and be lulled by soothing music. "The response has been great. We get bureaucrats, policemen, college students, housewives, corporate bigwigs -- all looking for a way to fight pollution and stress," Rajeev Madhogaria, who owns "Oxyzone" along with his brother, Sanjeev. A U.N.-sponsored study released earlier this month said a cloud of smog covering southern Asia is putting the health of millions at risk. Calcutta is one of India's most polluted cities. Many of the city's 15 million inhabitants complain of fatigue and headaches due to emissions from the thousands of taxis and buses. The brothers said they were surprised by the response with hundreds willing to shell out $3.60 for 20 minutes of pumping oxygen into their lungs. Besides single sittings, Oxyzone also offers memberships, although its rates are likely to be out of reach for many people in a country where the average annual per capita income is $450. But Purbasha Majumdar, a 20-year-old college student, is an oxygen-seeker who evidently believes it's worth the money. "The smoke from diesel vehicles gives me a headache and makes me tired," Majumdar said, waiting for her turn to breathe oxygen scented with an array of aromas such as sandalwood, lemon, orange and lavender. "This is good way to fight pollution, relax and feel refreshed." ====== NetTips ====== UNBIASED NEWS SERVICE BY GOOGLE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you rely on the net for your daily dose of news then try out the new "UNBIASED" news service from Google. The Google News page gives you access to hundreds of different takes on the same story, all arranged in a user-friendly format without the subjective shackles of human intervention. Stories generating a large volume of Internet "buzz" are displayed prominently, time-stamped, and organized according to the algorithms' rather democratic whims. "While the sources of the news vary in perspective and editorial approach," the site explains, "their selection for inclusion is done without regard to political viewpoint or ideology." GOOGLE NEWS: http://news.google.com/ Google News Untouched by Human Hands: http://www.alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=14239 Thanks to all who wrote in their comments. Send us your questions for the next edition of GlobeNews. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GlobeNews by Kahl Consultants http://www.kahl.net/globenews/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE PLUG ======== How has your small business or organization been performing lately? Let Kahl Consultants help you. Visit us online: http://www.kahl.net Technology. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. If you got this far you obviously enjoyed GlobeNews. Please forward it to your friends. Remember, the best things in life are free. THE PUNCH LINE ============== THE CONFUSING COUNTRY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by Douglas Adams Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge deep into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology and plate tectonics, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight" proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory, but they can't spell either. The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other land masses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island, or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically,it is unique in this. The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. However, there are curiously few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all. But even the spiders won't go near the sea. Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on) under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task. Strangely, it tends to be the second class of animals (the Odd) that are more dangerous. The creature that kills the most people each year is the common Wombat. It is nearly as ridiculous as its name, and spends its life digging holes in the ground, in which it hides. During the night it comes out to eat worms and grubs. The wombat kills people in two ways: First, the animal is indestructible. Digging holes in the hard Australian clay builds muscles that outclass Olympic weightlifters. At night, they often wander the roads. Semi-trailers (Road Trains) have hit them at high speed, with all 9 wheels on one side, and this merely makes them very annoyed. They express this by snorting, glaring, and walking away. Alas, to smaller cars, the wombat becomes an asymmetrical launching pad, with results that can be imagined, but not adequately described. The second way the wombat kills people relates to its burrowing behaviour. If a person happens to put their hand down a Wombat hole, the Wombat will feel the disturbance and think "Ho! My hole is collapsing!" at which it will brace its muscled legs and push up against the roof of its burrow with incredible force, to prevent its collapse. Any unfortunate hand will be crushed, and attempts to withdraw will cause the Wombat to simply bear down harder. The unfortunate will then bleed to death through their crushed hand and as the wombat prevents him from seeking assistance. This is considered the third most embarrassing known way to die, and Australians don't talk about it much. At this point, we would like to mention the Platypus, estranged relative of the mammal, which has a duck-bill, otter's tail, webbed feet, lays eggs, detects its aquatic prey in the same way as the electric eel, and has venomous barbs attached to its hind legs, thus combining all 'typical' Australian attributes into a single improbable creature. The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. First, a short history: Some time around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and lot of them died. The ones that survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in, and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories. Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged and stupid people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in Autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons when moving from the top half of the planet to the bottom), ate all their food, and a lot of them died. About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal, and litigate (marks of a civilised culture they say) - whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert, equipped with a stick. Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on Extended Holiday and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside your boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned. There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the entire world. Although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock, and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk. As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst, and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful, and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger, unless they are an American. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string, and mud. Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz", "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country") and "Best bloody place on earth, bar none, strewth." The irritating thing about this is they may be right. There are some traps for the unsuspecting traveller, though. Do not under any circumstances suggest that the beer is imperfect, unless you are comparing it to another kind of Australian beer. Do not wear a Hawaiian shirt. Religion and Politics are safe topics of conversation (Australians don't care too much about either) but Sport is a minefield. The only correct answer to "So, howdya' like our country, eh?" is "Best {insert your own regional swear word here} country in the world!". It is very likely that, on arriving, some cheerful Australians will 'adopt' you, and on your first night, and take you to a pub where Australian Beer is served. Despite the obvious danger, do not refuse. It is a form of initiation rite. You will wake up late the next day with an astonishing hangover, a foul-taste in your mouth, and wearing strange clothes. Your hosts will usually make sure you get home, and waive off any legal difficulties with "It's his first time in Australia, so we took him to the pub.", to which the policeman will sagely nod and close his notebook. Be sure to tell the story of these events to every other Australian you encounter, adding new embellishments at every stage, and noting how strong the beer was. Thus you will be accepted into this unique culture. Most Australians are now urban dwellers, having discovered the primary use of electricity, which is air-conditioning and refrigerators. Typical Australian sayings: "G'Day!" "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick." "She'll be right." "And down from Kosciusko,where the pine clad ridges raise their torn and rugged battlements on high, where the air is clear is crystal, and the white stars fairly blaze at midnight in the cold and frosty sky. And where, around the overflow, the reed beds sweep and sway to the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide. The Man from Snowy River is a household word today, and the stockmen tell the story of his ride." Tips to Surviving Australia *Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason whatsoever. We mean it. *The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is. *Always carry a stick. *Air-conditioning. *Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and good in a fistfight. *Thick socks. *Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby. *If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. *Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore. See Also: "Deserts: How to die in them", "The Stick: Second most useful thing ever" and "Poisonous and Venomous arachnids, insects, animals, trees, shrubs, fish and sheep of Australia, volumes 1-42"