| There
is this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having
been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one
day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was
full of ice and he was sore all over.
When he got out
the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note
on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone
because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his
computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an email entitled
"Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't
a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on
software to save us from armageddon.
His program will
prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute
the $600 Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates
(It's true--I read it all last week in a mass email from BILL GATES HIMSELF,
who was also promising me a free Disneyworld Vacation and $5,000 if I would
forward the email to everyone I know).
The poor man then
tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his Missing kidneys, but reaching
into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
which was wrapped a note that said "Welcome to the world of AIDS."
Luckily he was
only a few blocks from the hospital--the one, actually where that little
boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone
in the world to send him an email and the American Cancer Society has agreed
to pay him a nickel for every email he receives.
I sent him two
emails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel
- if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck
but ten people only will give you OK luck and if you send it to less than
ten people you will have bad luck FOR SEVEN YEARS!)
So anyway the
poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed
another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed
his lights and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
And its a little-known
fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages. |
