Great headlines/ signs

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[no, really?]



Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[now that's taking things a bit far!]




Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

[what a guy!]




Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]




Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]




War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]




If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[you think?!]



Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[who would have thought!]



Enfield (! London) Couple Slain;Police Suspect Homicide

[they may be on to something!]



Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]



Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

[he probably IS the battery charge!]




New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[weren't they fat enough?!]




Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]



Most Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Taste like chicken?]



Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]



Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[Boy, are they tall!]



And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



Did I read that sign right?



In an Office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW





In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT



In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS



In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN



In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD



Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS



Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR



Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR



Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.





On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.

(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)