Give Bush a Brain Game

Test your skill in this funny flash game.

Try to give Dubya some much-needed smarts - and see what authentic quotes come out of his mouth:

Give Bush a Brain

World's Dumbest Dog

Here is a short video of the dumbest dog youll ever see:

dumbest dog youll ever see - Google Video

Investment Tips for 2006

For all of you with any money left in the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Time Warner implosion, and the Sears/K-Mart wedding, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in the coming new year:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller
Brush, and W. R.Grace Company will merge and become:

Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace

2. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Zesta
Crackers join forces and become:

Poly, Warner, Cracker

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as:

MMMGood

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and
Dakota Mining will merge and become:

ZipAudiDoDa

5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor,
UPS, and become:

FedUP

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers
will become:

Fairwell Honeychild

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to
become:

Poupon Pants

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization
of Women will become:

KnottNOW!

9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge
under the new name:

Titty Titty Bang Bang

"Curry-N-Rice Girl" video

Enjoy this hilarious Indian rap about arranged marriages!

Requires flash 7 to be installed.

"Curry-N-Rice Girl"

God Does Not Want 16 Kids / Arkansas mom gives birth to a whole freakin' baseball team. How deeply should you cringe?

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Who are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that's right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost?

And furthermore, who are you to suggest that her equally troubling husband -- whose name is, of course, Jim Bob and he's hankerin' to be a Republican senator and try not to wince in sociopolitical pain when you say that -- isn't more than a little numb to the real world, and that bringing 16 hungry mewling attention-deprived kids (and she wants more! Yay!) into this exhausted world zips right by "touching" and races right past "disturbing" and lurches its way, heaving and gasping and sweating from the karmic armpits, straight into "Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you people?"

Read the rest of the story here:

God Does Not Want 16 Kids

Great headlines/ signs

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[no, really?]



Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[now that's taking things a bit far!]




Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

[what a guy!]




Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]




Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]




War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]




If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[you think?!]



Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[who would have thought!]



Enfield (! London) Couple Slain;Police Suspect Homicide

[they may be on to something!]



Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]



Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

[he probably IS the battery charge!]




New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[weren't they fat enough?!]




Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]



Most Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Taste like chicken?]



Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]



Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[Boy, are they tall!]



And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



Did I read that sign right?



In an Office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW





In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT



In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS



In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN



In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD



Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS



Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR



Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR



Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.





On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.

(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

The Poodle and the Leopard

Cuddles was an aged poodle, who got lost in a game reserve. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading in her direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, terror overcomes him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard in the future. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming back with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story:
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!

FEMALE HUMOUR

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted tome; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

"The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee. "Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

A Star Wars parody with a Message: Store Wars

Ok ok this is the third funny Star Wars related post in as many days. But hey, you just gotta see this!

http://www.storewars.org

Brought to you by those funny guys who did the Meatrix:
http://www.themeatrix.com/

Star Wars Episode 3 Spoof

Just in time for the opening of the new Star Wars movie, here is a funny spoof video by some crazy fans:

http://wimp.com/episode/

Oh, and if you liked that you can find a lot more funny videos at that site:

http://wimp.com/

Enjoy!!