JokeFlash 1/2000   |   Vol.2, No.1 Read JokeFlash! Stay silly in a crazy world. CONTENTS: only the finest recycled jokes for all ages. ========= NEWSJOKE ========= IN GOOD COMPANY -------------------------- Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics [Thanks Ellen!]: *29 have been accused of spousal abuse *7 have been arrested for fraud *19 have been accused of writing bad checks *117 have bankrupted at least two businesses *3 have been arrested for assault *71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit *14 have been arrested on drug-related charges *8 have been arrested for shoplifting *21 are current defendants in lawsuits *In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving Can you guess which organization this is? . . . . . . . . . It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of the USA in line. ============ !!JOKEFLASH!! ============ POP QUIZ ------------ This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. [Thanks Rudy!] SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS. There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional. Here we go: __________________________________ 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and shut the refrigerator. Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional. 4. There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability. So... If you answered FOUR out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you. If you answered THREE out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you. If you answered TWO out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint. If you answered ONE out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money. If you answered NONE correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as law or politics. HOWDY Y'ALL! -------------------- So many deals for your phone calls, how to choose the best? See what Global Com offers! Please support JokeFlash and visit your agent Alex Kahl at GlobalCom: http://www.kahl.net/global ============================== TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION ============================== BRAIN FREE(ZE)? ---------------------- The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty." --------------------------------------- AMAZIN' EXPANING AMAZON --------------------------------------- Forget the mall! Buy online at Amazon! Get some dirt cheap books, music and much more now. Grab some comics or other funny literature for 20% off or more! PLEASE SUPPORT JOKEFLASH by using this link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/kahlconsultants ======== JOKESITE ======== Wally's Weird Web Site --------------------------- THIS GUY IS A REAL WALLY! Wally Fields, to be precise. And he is a master impersonator. Listen to what he can do with his voice, and walk away with a few hilarious sound files: http://www.wallys.com Thanks to all who wrote in. If I recycled one of your jokes be proud, you joker. Cheers, Alex Kahl Consultants Humor. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. Visit us at http://www.kahl.net THE PLUG ======== Having fun at work? How has your business been performing? Let Kahl Consultants help. Technology. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. ============== THE PUNCH LINE ============== Today's Deep Thought by Jack Handey -------------------------------------------- Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. {¨} If you got this far you probably wet your pants uncontrollably. Share this warm feeling with others!! Please forward JokeFlash to your best friends. Remember, the best things in life are free. |< <