JokeFlash 1/2001    |    Vol.3, No. 1 Read JokeFlash! Stay silly in a crazy world. CONTENTS:  fine recycled jokes for all ages. BE NICE:  ========= NEWSJOKE ========= WHEN YOU "GOTTA GO" DOWN UNDER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Global Positioning System or GPS is a great technology. It link you to a satellite from anywhere! So why own a GPS receiver? This may be the best reason... An Australian company is compiling a GEOGRAPHICAL DATABASE of all 13,000 PUBLIC TOILETS in that nation. It's a collaboration between the Australian Minister for Aged Care and the Continence Foundation of Australia. People with a medical condition (um, er, you know...) will be grateful. COMING SOON - to a palm pilot near you: directions to the nearest public toilet! ============ !!JOKEFLASH!! ============ Whats My Name? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him  to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . " HOW TO CHARGE A CUSTOMER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Thanks Grace] An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer: "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$75.'... "If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $50.'... "If his eyes still don't flutter, you add ...'Each.'" CALLING ELVIS! -------------------- YO ELVIS.... WE KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE AND KICKING SOMEWHERE.... MAKE THAT CALL! WITH GLOBALCOM! Please support JokeFlash and visit GlobalCom: http://www.kahl.net/global ============================== TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION ============================== The Wizard of Pink -or- The Dark Side of Oz ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Calling all Wizard of Oz as well as Pink Floyd fans! If you haven't played the album "The Dark Side of the Moon" while watching the Wizard of Oz movie then you probably don't know about the bizarre video-album synchronicity. What a strange trip! Here's sites with more: You can watch the combination in realplayer format here: http://www.heffray.com/Music/PinkFloyd/TheWizardOfPink/ Wanna rent the video and try it for yourself? Instructions are here: http://www.dsom.com/features/features.html Turner even played the spooky combination on TV this summer: http://tcm.turner.com/MONTH_SPOTS/00/07/OZ/dark.htm And finally a lotta links on the subject: http://www.angelfire.com/co/1x137/oz.html ========= JOKESITES ========= BOOK A MINUTE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Book-A-Minute wants you to experience the wonder and excitement of the fine art of literature... WITHOUT reading books. Check out their ultra-condensed books: http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/ ----------------------- AMAZIN' AMAZON ----------------------- SHOP online at Amazon! Everything is discounted - a huge selection of books, music, videos, electronics and much more. Grab some comics or other funny literature! PLEASE SUPPORT JOKEFLASH by using this link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/kahlconsultants Thanks to all who wrote in. If I recycled one of your jokes be proud, you joker. Cheers, Alex Kahl Consultants Humor. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. Visit us at http://www.kahl.net ============== THE PUNCH LINE ============== A Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a gin.................................................and tonic." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "I dunno, I've always had them." A skeleton walks into the same bar and says "Give me a pitcher of beer and a mop..." A horse walks into the same bar.  The bartender says, "Why the long face?" {¨} If you got this far you probably wet your pants uncontrollably. Share this warm feeling with others!! Please forward JokeFlash to your best friends. Remember, the best things in life are free. |< <