JokeFlash JANUARY 2002    |    Vol.4, No. 1 Read KC JokeFlash! Stay silly in a craaaaazy world. CONTENTS: only the finest recycled jokes for all ages. ========== NEWSJOKES ========== 2002 List of Banished Words ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lake Superior State University released its 27th annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness. Here are some phrases that were on the list for being REDUNDANT: POSSIBLE CHOICES - "No need to include the impossible choices, I'm sure." RENAME IT SOMETHING ELSE - "Be sure not to rename it the same name." DELAY DUE TO AN EARLIER ACCIDENT - "Now in standard use" As distinguished from the delay caused by an accident yet to occur." FORESEEABLE FUTURE - Just how long is foreseeable? "What about the unforeseeable future?" This link takes you to the COMPLETE 2002 LIST: http://www.lssu.edu/banished/ KC TECHSHOP ----------------- *  MONEY-SAVING RANKINGS Best sites for comparison shopping and reviews. *  "SWEET SPOT" SHOPPING LISTS DESKTOPs and LAPTOPs. Best price-to-quality! *  GREEN PC Section Deal$ on Technology: http://www.kahl.net/shopping ============ !!JOKEFLASH!! ============ MAN SMART, BUT THE WOMAN SMARTER? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Thanks Mike!] ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. MEMORY Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. APPEARANCE Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. COMPREHENSION There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman -- before marriage and after marriage. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED: Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. TALK IS CHEAP ------------------- We at GlobalCom recommend excellent products we personally test and use. Here is a prepaid long distance service that rocks! * Works worldwide (via web enabled CALLBACK)! * No Monthly Fees! No Hidden Fees! Try this calling card for long distance calls. From home as well as on the road. We know you'll love it. Visit GlobalCom to learn more: http://www.kahl.net/global/ ============================== TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION ============================== REMEMBER WACKY PACKS? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Forget John Travolta, disco, and bell bottom jeans. When I think about the 70's I think about WACKY PACK STICKERS. Wacky what you say? HEY! Wacky packs are ONLY the best-selling non-sports card collectibles in history! So if you're not hip to them it's time to take a trip down memory lane.... They were cartoon parodies of all kinds of corporate products with a wacky humor straight out of Mad Magazine. We are talking the most un-politically correct collectible ever produced. The product parodies focused on liquor, cigarettes, vomit and violence. And kids loved them and stuck them everywhere. What's even more wacky is how popular these cards still are. Rare ones sell for mucho $$$ on ebay.com. Now that's wacky! Wacky Packs Websites: http://www.wacky-packs.com/ http://www.wackypackages.com/ http://www2.pair.com/wacky/ ---------------------------------- DEALS FROM THE AMAZON ---------------------------------- This just in: our real handy Tools & Hardware Deal: LEATHERMAN Juice C2 Inferno Multitool List Price: $59.99 Our Price: ONLY $44.99 You Save: $15.00 (25%) >From Leatherman's new Juice line of multitools, the metallic red C2 Inferno features the sleekest, most compact profile. Makes a great gift for boy scouts and MacGyver clones everywhere. Wanna drool all over it? Click right here on this Amazon.com link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000059GTH/kahlconsultants/ TIME FOR A TEST? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Spark has a silly test for every occasion! And the neat thing is you can compare your results with that of your friends! Suggestion: start with the ever popular PERSONALITY TEST! The Spark http://www.thespark.com/ ========= JOKESITES ========= ABSOLUTE CRAP ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get a load of this crap... literally! Hey, this is exclusively for those of you that love twisted potty humor! The Bullshit Generator: http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html Turd Twister http://www.turdtwister.com/index.php Thanks to all who wrote in. If I recycled one of your jokes be proud, you joker. Cheers! Alex Kahl Consultants THE PLUG ======== Having fun at work? How has your business been performing? Let KC help. Technology. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. KAHL CONSULTANTS Visit us at http://www.kahl.net ============== THE PUNCH LINE ============== IN CASE OF EMERGENCY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I filled out an application that said, "In case of emergency, notify . . ." I wrote "Doctor." . . . What is my mother going to do? {¨} If you got this far you probably wet your pants uncontrollably. Share this warm feeling with others!! Remember, the best things in life are free.

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