KC JOKEFLASH      OCTOBER 2002    |    Vol.4, No. 10

Stay silly in a craaaaazy world.

Read JokeFlash:
http://www.kahl.net/jokeflash/

CONTENTS:
0nLy ThE f1nE5T rEcYcLeD j0|<E$ f0r @LLl @Ge5.

==========
NEWSJOKES
==========
DWARF THROWING UNFAIR?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Thanks RC!]
A miniature Frenchman lost his battle in court with U.N. officials,
keeping him from practicing his preferred occupation. Manuel Wackenheim
argued the 1995 ban enforced by the highest administrative court in
France that abolished "dwarf throwing" and kept him out of a job.

The ruling of the court has deprived Wackenheim of "being hurled around
discotheques by burly men." The U.N. Human Rights Committee claimed that
the ban was necessary to protect public order.

Many out-of-work dwarves are unsure of their future plans, but some
ideas are being tossed around.
 

 
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============
!!JOKEFLASH!!
============
GEORGE LUCAS NAME FORMULA?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Got an email suggesting that George Lucas uses a formula to create all
those names you see in the Star Wars movies (Jar-jar Binks, Obi Wan, etc).

To see what your Star Wars name is, follow the steps below...

Your Star Wars First Name:

1 Take the first 3 letters of your last name.

2 Add to that, the first 2 letters of your first name.

Your Star Wars Last Name:

1 Take the first 2 letters of your mother's maiden name.

2 Add to that the first 3 letters of the name of the town or city you
were born in.

There you go! There's your Star Wars Name
 

==============================
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION
==============================
THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a year of painstaking scientific research, the world's funniest
joke was revealed.

In a project described as the largest-ever scientific study into humor,
the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked Internet
users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the
funniness of other people's offerings.

More than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two million critiques
later, this is it:


"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't
seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out
his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"


Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types
of jokes they found funny.

People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand
preferred gags involving word play, such as:

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."

Americans and Canadians favored jokes where people were made to look stupid.

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences
with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"

Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of
serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having
dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass
the butter?'

"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"

Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:

"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about
to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the
road next to the course.

"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and
bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful
and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"

Death earned big laughs in Scotland:

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming
in terror like his passengers."

And animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:

"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other
one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel
will do.

"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"

The survey revealed other fun facts:

-- Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps
surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.

-- If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.

-- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown
and sticky? A stick."

Researchers said no one ever found it funny.
[Source: Reuters]
 

 
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=========
JOKESITES
=========
REJECTION LINE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So you're in a bar and someone keeps bugging you for your number... WHAT
DO YOU DO?
 
HERE'S THE ANSWER! Now when someone you just can't get away from asks
for your number, give them this number:

TEL. (310) 495-5412

REJECTION LINE
http://www.rejectionline.com/



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Thanks to all who wrote in!!

If I recycled one of your jokes be proud, you joker.

Cheers!
Alex

KC JOKEFLASH
Online: http://www.kahl.net/jokeflash/

LET KC HELP
===========
How has your business been performing?
Technology. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands.
KAHL CONSULTANTS
Visit us: http://www.kahl.net
 

==============
THE PUNCH LINE
==============
Points To Ponder
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Thanks Peter!]
How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you
treat them?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Does anyone ever vanish with a trace?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If Fed Ex and UPS merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the
other trees make fun of it?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all
still working?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit
while you're still ahead?"

If the Energizer Bunny atttacks someone, is it charged with battery?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Don't they all stop eventually?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

You know how most packages say "Open here" What is the protocol if the
package says, "Open somewhere else?"

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
why can't they make the whole plane with the same substance?

Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

Every teenager should get a high school education, even if they already
know everything.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they use to.

You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just
on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the
last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

Doctors can be frustrating. You wait month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, I wish you'd come to me sooner.

You read about all these terrorists: most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15
years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are 2 days late with a
video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge
of immigration.

 
 
{¨}

If you got this far you probably wet your pants uncontrollably.
Share this warm feeling with others!!


Remember, the best things in life are free.

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