KC JokeFlash DECEMBER 2001 | Vol.3, No. 12 Read KC JokeFlash! Stay silly in a craaaaazy world. CONTENTS: only the finest recycled jokes for all ages. ========= NEWSJOKE ========= BOG SNORKELING ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Thanks Scot!] Here's Mud in Your Eye ( and Your Ears, and Your Hair, and Your Nose...) Greetings from the quaint Welsh village of Llanwrtyd Wells, renowned for its fine ales, warm hospitality, and one of the oddest athletic endeavors on Planet Earth: floundering through noxious rural ooze! Read this HILARIOUS article about the illustrious - if slightly smelly - history and modern-day mayhem of a certifiably insane sport called BOG SNORKELING. The article is in Outside Magazine and here's the link: http://outside.away.com/outside/sports/200108/200108bogsnorkel_1.adp another quote from Scot: EVERYDAY I BEAT MY OWN PREVIOUS RECORD......FOR NUMBER OF DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. KC TECHSHOP ----------------- Go shopping at the KC TechShop! * MONEY-SAVING RANKINGS Best sites for comparison shopping and reviews. * "SWEET SPOT" SHOPPING LISTS DESKTOPs and LAPTOPs. Best price-to-quality! * GREEN PC Section Helps you save energy. Hardware or software, deals on technology: http://www.kahl.net/shopping ============ !!JOKEFLASH!! ============ WORK VS. PRISON ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NOTE: this will appeal to folks that work for megacorporations in megaoffice buildings. In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison a guard locks, unlocks, opens and closes all doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all doors yourself. In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share. In prison they allow you to visit your family and friends. At work you can't even speak to family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners. In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars. In prison you can join many programs that you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of. In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic and psychotic. At work we call them managers! NEW DOG BREEDS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Thanks Grace!] Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport Pointer + Setter Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Great Pyrenees + Dachshund Pyredachs, a puzzling breed Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso Peekasso, an abstract dog Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists Newfoundland + Basset Hound Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors Terrier + Bulldog Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes Collie + Malamute Commute, a dog that travels to work Deerhound + Terrier Derriere, a dog that's true to the end TALK IS CHEAP ------------------- No joking around now. We recommend honest products that we personally use. And this here is an incredible prepaid long distance service! Try out this calling card for your long distance calls from home as well as on the road. We know you'll love it. Get it here: http://www.kahl.net/global/ ============================== TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION ============================== ACTUAL LABEL INSTRUCTIONS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Thanks Pops!] Do you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity? Here are some ACTUAL LABEL INSTRUCTIONS on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how ...?) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But its "just" a suggestion) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!) ---------------------------------- DEALS FROM THE AMAZON ---------------------------------- Amazon.com Tools & Hardware Deal: Leatherman 70101003 Juice C2 Inferno List Price: $59.99 Our Price: $44.99 You Save: $15.00 (25%) From Leatherman's new Juice line of multitools, the metallic red C2 Inferno features the sleekest, most compact profile. Order it here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000059GTH/kahlconsultants/ ========= JOKESITES ========= TREK4GOD ~~~~~~~~~~ This just in from the funny farm: what do you get when you combine STAR TREK and JESUS? You guessed it. Trek4God! http://free.prohosting.com/~4jesus/ ANIMATED POLITICAL CARTOONS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mark Fiore has some great flash animated cartoons here! My favorite ones are those about San Francisco Politics. Mark Fiore's Animated Political Cartoons: http://www.markfiore.com/ PINOY FUN ~~~~~~~~~ Want to know what filipino humor is like? The recently revamped "Bola" joke section at jeepneygang.com is strictly for pinoys! http://www.jeepneygang.com/bola/ Thanks to all who wrote in. If I recycled one of your jokes be proud, you joker. Cheers! Alex Kahl Consultants THE PLUG ======== Having fun at work? How has your business been performing? Let KC help. Technology. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. KAHL CONSULTANTS Visit us at http://www.kahl.net ============== THE PUNCH LINE ============== QUESTION ~~~~~~~~ What word, expression, or name is depicted below? 79 S 34 A 92 F 185 E 376 7 T 27 Y 12 scroll down for answer... Answer: Safety In Numbers {¨} If you got this far you probably wet your pants uncontrollably. Share this warm feeling with others!! Remember, the best things in life are free. |< <