KC JOKEFLASH     MARCH 2003    |    Vol.5, No. 3

Stay silly in a craaaaazy world.
Read JokeFlash:
http://www.kahl.net/jokeflash/

CONTENTS:
0nLy ThE f1nE5T rEİYİLeD j0|<E$ f0r @LLl @Ge5.

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NEWSJOKES
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Military Promises 'Huge Numbers' For Gulf War II: The Vengeance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another fine bit of satire from The Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/onion3910/gulf_war_2.html
 


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============
!!JOKEFLASH!!
============
CAJUN MATH
~~~~~~~~~~~
[Thanks Yolette!]

I'm not hiring any Cajuns, the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a
test hoping that the Cajun wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and
he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers,
represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Cajun says. "Dat is easy," and proceeds to draw three
trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine." says the Cajun.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the same
rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he
has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to
represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now! So its dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty
tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this guy, so he says,
"Alright, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space again, then he picks up the picture again and
makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "Ere you go.   One
'hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred."

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says,
"A little dog come along and crap by each tree, so now you've got dirty tree
and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one
'hundred. So when I start?"


EXTREME SPORTS IN IRELAND
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Thanks Patrick!]

Two Irish men walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere Budgies in dat cage op dere", says Gerry.

"Put dem in a peeper bag."

The clerk does and the two men pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop.

"Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds, followed by a 'SPLAT'.

As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff, he shakes his head and says, "Dis budgie jumpin' is too dangerous for me!"


== PART TWO =

A minute later, Seamus arrives.

He, too, has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as, halfway down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off.

Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom.

Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider."
            
== PART THREE =

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself, Sean strolls up He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying a familiar 'peeper' bag.

But instead of a parrot, he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself over the cliff, with the usual result.

Once more, Paddy shakes his head. "My god, Sean. First der as Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting, and now you, hen gliding."


==============================
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION
==============================
THE MOODS OF A WOMAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute,
then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.


THE MOODS OF A MAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.



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=========
JOKESITES
=========
SNITCH REPORT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PLEASE! Do your patriotic duty and visit this website:

http://www.snitchreport.com

 
Thanks to all who wrote in.
If I recycled one of your jokes be proud, you joker. 

Cheers!
Alex

KC JOKEFLASH
Online: http://www.kahl.net/jokeflash/
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==============
THE PUNCH LINE
==============
NOT ANOTHER BLONDE JOKE!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you
aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is exposed." "Oh my God," says the blond. "I left
the baby on the bus!"
 
 
{¨}

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