KC JOKEFLASH         MAY 2003     |    Vol.5, No. 5

Stay silly in a craaaaazy world.
Read JokeFlash:
http://www.kahl.net/jokeflash/

0nLy ThE f1nE5T rE©Y©LeD j0|<E$ f0r @LLl @Ge5.


==========
NEWSJOKES
==========
THE RUMOUR OF THE CENTAUR CREATURE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This just in from Lagos, Nigeria:

Women in Maru, headquarters of Maru Local Government area of Zamfara have been forced to remain indoors in the evenings for fear of a strange creature which chases them.

The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) learnt that the mysterious creature, said to be half human, half horse, usually appear in the early hours of the morning and in the evenings.

The appearance of the strange creature has crippled the socio-economic activities in the town, especially at night as people prefer to stay at home from 4 pm till morning.

The creature believed to have surfaced in different locations of the town is causing so much anxiety and fear among residents, particularly women.

When contacted to comment on the issue, one of the sons of Emir of Maru, Alhaji Isa Maru said the rumour was strong and "we are still trying to get to the root of it."

 

============
!!JOKEFLASH!!
============
IRISH WISDOM
~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Thanks Mike!]

Old Sean lived alone in Northern Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Mick, who used to help
him, was in an English prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and
described his predicament:

   Dear Mick,

   I am feeling a mite down because it looks like I
   won't be able to plant me potato garden this year.
   I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
   plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be
   over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

   Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

   Dear Father,

   For CHRIST'S SAKE, don't dig up the garden!
   That's where I buried all them feckin' BODIES!

   Love, Mick

At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen agents from Scotland Yard and local
police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden down to a depth
of about six feet. That evening, not finding any bodies, they apologized
to the old man and left. The next day the old man received another
letter from his son:

   Dear Father,

   Go ahead and plant yer spuds now. It's the best
   I could do under the circumstances.

   Love, Mick
 

YAKKITY YAK...
---------------------
Get great LONG DISTANCE RATES with GLOBALCOM prepaid calling.

* Even works worldwide (via web enabled CALLBACK)!
* No Monthly Fees! No Hidden Fees!

Talk for hours...we know you'll love Click4Prepaid from GLOBALCOM:
http://www.kahl.net/global/



FOR THE BIRDS
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some
lunch."

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground
that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no
more.

"I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the
first one.

"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "O
K," said the first.

So they plopped down, basking in the sun.

No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came up and
gobbled them up.

As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
|
|
|
|
|
|
(scroll down)
|
|
|
|
|
|
(ready??)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
(you're gonna like this one)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."



 
==============================
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION
==============================
BUT... BUT... BUT.... HE'S BLACK!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An 80-year-old Hingham, Massachussetts woman was scammed of $7,500.

The entire situation started Tuesday morning when someone called the elderly woman at her home claiming that he was her grandson.

The caller said he was in trouble and needed money immediately. He told the woman to drop the money off at Quincy City Hall where a black male would flag her down.

The woman and her husband picked the man up at City Hall and drove to another location where they gave him the money.

The Elderly woman stated; “I thought something was wrong when he gave me the wrong name… but then he turned out to be a black guy. It wasn’t until later that I realized we didn’t have any black grandsons.”

The suspect is described as about 30 years old, six feet, 200 pounds. Police say there have been several of these types of scams on the South Shore and they ask anyone who gets a similar call to contact their local police department immediately.
 


ADDENDUM TO MURPHY'S LAW
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Thanks Leila!]

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
11. He's not dead, he's  electroencephalographically challenged.
12. She's always late, in fact, her ancestors arrived on the June flower.
13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted and used against you.
14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs
and blame it on the higher cost of living.
20. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to
end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
world population.
25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by
those who got there first.
27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
29. Shin: A device for finding furniture.
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. They may have wanted on just to give it to somebody.
36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak

 
 
KC WEBSITE HOSTING
------------------
Kahl Consultants offers WEB SERVICES and HOSTING for small business and individuals.

* World Class Hosting with Personal Attention
* Online Marketing Plans
* Website Traffic Analysis

$60 per quarter or $220 per year (get one month free!)

All this and more can be found here:
http://www.kahl.net/hosting

 
=========
JOKESITES
=========
SEQUELS WE'D LIKE TO SEE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's a little photoshop fun with movie postes. Check out these ridiculous suggestions for sequels to popular Hollywood movies!

Fark.com Sequel Posters:
http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=531209


 
 
Thanks to all who wrote in.
If I recycled one of your jokes be proud, you joker. 

Cheers!
Alex

KC JOKEFLASH
Online: http://www.kahl.net/jokeflash/
LET KC HELP
===========
How has your business been performing?
Technology. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands.
KAHL CONSULTANTS
Visit us: http://www.kahl.net
 

==============
THE PUNCH LINE
==============
MODERN TIMES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Thanks Dad!]

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest,
said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four
pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked. The
front of the church fills first."

The young priest nodded and the old one continued,
"And you told me a little more beat to the music
would bring young people back to church, so I
supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll
gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony."

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest, "I am
pleased you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"Well," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've
gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional."

But Father," protested the young priest. "My
confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"I know son," replied the old man. "But that flashing
neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell," can't stay
on the church roof."



 
{¨}

If you got this far you probably wet your pants uncontrollably.
Share this warm feeling with others!!


Remember, the best things in life are free.

|< <