JokeFlash 7/99 Vol.1, No.2 You LIKE to laugh. JokeFlash is your bag. Stay sane in an crazy world with JokeFlash. Contains only the best recycled jokes for all ages. JokeFlash is a free service of Kahl Consultants. Humor. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. Visit us at http://www.kahl.net ========= NEWSJOKE ========= Hacked Websites -------------------- Every other day we read about some hacker who has defaces some government website and made some folks really hopping mad. Here is a collection of such pranks: http://www.disinfo.com/disinfo?p=file&title=Hacked+Websites ============ !!JOKEFLASH!! ============ Top 10 Creative Ways to Advertise Cigarettes ---------------------------------------------------- 10> "Ask About Our Frequent Survivor Program!" 9> "If you're going to have something hot and smoldering dangling from your mouth, shouldn't it just as well be a cigarette?" 8> "Got Tar?" 7> "Cough Up A Loogie that Looks Like Joe Camel" Sweepstakes 6> Secretly stick "Smoking Rules!" sticker on Surgeon General David Satcher's back. 5> Catchy new brand names like "Gee, Your Teeth Look Yellow!" and "I Can't Believe It's Not My Trachea!" 4> One Magic Jamaican Cigarette in Every Pack! 3> Play up that whole, "This model may look too good for you but hey, she's skanked out enough to smoke so she might actually give you a look" angle. 2> "Pleurisy - it's not just for coal miners any more!" 1> New slogan: "Suck Me" [ from The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ] ============================== DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS CHARTS ================================== 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused an autopsy. 9. The patient has no past history of suicides. 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy. 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. 28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. -------------------------------------- Save on Calls with Calling Cards -------------------------------------- Do you travel much? Then get the VoiceNet calling card! For example, any domestic call from any phone in the USA for only 14.5 cents/min! No more expensive calls! We've chosen to market these calling cards because It's the best deal we could find! Check out this offer AND MANY MORE! Visit your agent Alex Kahl at GlobalCom: http://www.kahl.net/global ============================== TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION ============================== I have nothing against people who run around saying that the END IS COMING!! But these guys take the cake! EVERYTHING is a sign to them that the world is about to go POOF! So what, lets party! But thats not what these guys think...visit THESE LAST DAYS MINISTRIES and see what the VIRGIN MARY has in store for you: http://www.tldm.org/ ------------------------------------- LAUGH WITH AMAZON.COM ------------------------------------- In association with Amazon.com we offer you dirt cheap books and CDs. Grab some comics or other funny literature for 20% off or more! Support JokeFlash by using this link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/kahlconsultants ======== JOKESITE ======== C'mon, ride the Godzilla SUV: http://www.slate.com/Features/GodzillaSUV/GodzillaSUV.asp Cheers, Alex Kahl Consultants http://www.kahl.net THE PLUG ======== Are you having fun with your work? How has your small business or organization been performing lately? Let Kahl Consultants help you. Technology. Use it appropriately. Put it in our hands. ============== THE PUNCH LINE ============== {¨} If you got this far you probably wet your pants uncontrollably at all our jokes. 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