Reduce  Junk Mail

Anti-Tele- marketing

1. 20 Responses
2. Enigma Software
3. Helpful Links
4. Telephone Preference Service

Telemarketer calling you? Say you are busy. Ask for their HOME phone number so you can call back. 

When they say they cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "You don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up. :-)

Tip #1

20 Responses For Telemarketers!

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

13. Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . . 

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
 

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.

Want more fun with Telemarketers? 
Try this guy:

Tom Mabe 
REVENGE ON THE TELEMARKETERS!

Still not enough?
C.A.T.S. Telemarketing Humor

Even more fun?
Jim Florentine is Terrorizing Telemarketers

Tip #2

Enigma: 
Anti-Telemarketing Software

Simple and fun, Enigma will help provide you with hours of laughs (confused and frightened telemarketers not included). 

It's FREE! 
Download ENIGMA here

Tip #3

Helpful Links

• USA National Do Not Call Registry (FTC)
• Californians Against Telephone Solicitation C.A.T.S.
• Common Carrier Bureau Consumer Information About Telephone-Related Issues(US Government FCC)
• Consumer News: What You Can Do About Unsolicited Telephone Marketing Calls and Faxes (US Government FCC) 
• How to Get Rid of Junk Mail, Spam, and Telemarketers  (ecofuture.org)
• Telemarketing pdf  (California Dept of Consumer Affairs) 
• Do-it-yourself: Stop junk mail, email and phone calls (obviously.com)
• populardemand
• Private Citizen, Inc. - Stop Junk Calls, Stop Junk Mail, Stop Telemarketing
• Straight Talk About Telemarketing (US government Federal Trade Commission)

Tip #4

Telephone Preference Service

Write to:

Telephone Preference Service
c/o Direct Marketing Association
PO Box 9014
Farmingdale, NY 11735-9014
http://www.the-dma.org/consumers/offtelephonelist.html